You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers, man. They all call me The Thief. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I can apply myself to the format of 'SNL,' I can apply myself to the format of 'Conan,' but at the same… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I would only take a role that I know I'm comfortable in and I can do. I've turned down plenty of things… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids, and I can get into the mind of a… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she's not, I eat meat. I'm just… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You have to fail, man, but you cannot allow failure to stop you from doing what you must do. Failing is just as good… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does - otherwise it's… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Improv relies just as much on listening as it does you delivering dialogue. That's the hard for some people. Some people just concentrate on… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm nice with damn kids, man. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids and I can get into… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist? — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
