You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist? — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I think what I do in my acting world and what I do in my standup world is bring up a brand… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open...… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Pursuing your dreams involves you accepting where you want to go. Don't allow anybody else to talk you out of things or… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I would only take a role that I know I'm comfortable in and I can do. I've turned down plenty of things… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You don't want to take the world over with a whole hamper full of dirty clothes. That's the main thing people overlook.… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Sometimes you can make friends, and sometimes you can take friends. Sometimes people want to be friends with you, and you gotta… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You have to fail, man, but you cannot allow failure to stop you from doing what you must do. Failing is just as good… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does - otherwise it's… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Improv relies just as much on listening as it does you delivering dialogue. That's the hard for some people. Some people just concentrate on… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm nice with damn kids, man. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids and I can get into… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist? — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
