If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does -… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
If your boss asks you why you're comin' in late, you say it's 'cause you stayed late. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
In my stand-up, I've always been loose. If there's a curtain onstage, I'll use that in my act. If there's a door,… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm trying to be the Jay-Z of comedy one day. I don't know if there's any comedy moguls out there, but I… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Pursuing your dreams involves you accepting where you want to go. Don't allow anybody else to talk you out of things or… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Keep it real by being straight forward. Don't pull no punches on people. It's better to tell somebody than just lollygag around,… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
If I had signed my fourth season of SNL, I wouldn't have ever had the opportunity to do Curb Your Enthusiasm. If… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
When you speak directly at things and don't say you're going to try to do something or that you hope to do… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
As far as standup, everybody has a vehicle they are driving. If what you do works, it's like playing golf. If you… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You can't take everything that is offered to you. I pass on a lot of stuff, because I truly believe that I… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You know what I like? I like classic stuff. I like 'The Andy Griffith Show' - the variety of characters was so amazing to… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You have to fail, man, but you cannot allow failure to stop you from doing what you must do. Failing is just as good… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does - otherwise it's… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Improv relies just as much on listening as it does you delivering dialogue. That's the hard for some people. Some people just concentrate on… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I believe, even when I'm doing my standup or my acting or whatever I'm doing, I believe in painting pictures. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
I'm nice with damn kids, man. Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids and I can get into… — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist? — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
