A boy wrote me once to say that he loved it when the news from Lake Wobegon came on the radio because… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Those people on daytime TV talking about how their parents never gave them the positive feedback they needed and that's why they… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
It's important for survival that children have their own experiences, the kind they learn from. The kind their parents arrange for are… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
