Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Remember a few years ago when they left Bea Arthur out of the death reel at the Oscars? Bea Arthur! How did… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I'm going out with these old guys. One guy gave me a hickey and left his teeth in my neck. Another man,… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
