Never insult a writer. You may find yourself immortalized in ways you may not appreciate. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other people whom we find Possessed… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Sport is a seductive metaphor (life as a game in which we gain victory through hard work, discipline, and visualizing success). but… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
We are great mysteries. No matter what we imagine we may know, even for all the facts we might gather, we don't… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
When you're old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Cleverness is a burden after that. You are supposed to settle down and be a good person, raise your children, and be… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
