“I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. But I didn’t stop there. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love has already put on its pants by the time you realize your diaper needs to be changed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I won’t bring you a single rose to be romantic, but I will point out that our relationship itself is the rose,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream I was a seal, and I made love to a seagull. Then I got eaten by a shark, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I walk like I have tornadoes for legs. Let us make love like Kansas.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather jump in a tank with a tiger shark than make love to his right hand. I don’t care if he… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What I know about being in love can be summed up in three words: Huh, who me?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m sad that I’m leaving, but I’m happy that I’m going. The thing is, I am in love, and I’m going to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We all want somebody to share our life and love with. But if there are an odd number of people on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Trying to put a baby back in the womb is like trying to convert a butterfly into a caterpillar, but still I’ve… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like yellow sneezes hello every time love walks like a slinky down the stairs. Who used my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re wondering. She died long before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love had two wings and rhymed with “mutter-lie,” could I be your caterpillar? All I’m asking for is a little time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dating is all about getting to know somebody, without wasting a lot of time or money. What is the price of love?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If there’s a 50% chance of rain, I guess it means it’ll be half sunny. Relationships are similar, with my love being… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like the desert. Ever implemented a cactus during foreplay?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thinking ahead is like remembering the future. How about that time we made love? I’ll bet it will be amazing.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a good thing. Not starving to death is also a good thing. Being in love with a man named Mr.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t know where you’re going, or even why you’re going, but I sure am glad that you are going. Be sure… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
