“Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Hey, turn down the volume on your “How To Make Love Like Lucifer Hand Guide Volume II” audio book a little bit.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love tip # 29: Increase your chances of getting to second date by not having stinky garlic breath during the end of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like Atlantis, OK? And I’m just a humble scuba diver searching for treasure that I can exchange for sexual favors.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t the last thing on my mind. The last thing on my mind is my skull.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stage.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I told her my love would stop her tears from falling, she started laughing. She laughed so hard she started crying.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was in Love once. I think I stayed at a Holiday Inn. Or maybe I was in Loveland, Co. But either… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a rolling rock—with wheels. And legs, too! But no breaks or shoes or anal lubrication.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to spread the love around. Tuck it in at the edges, so nobody can hog all the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can taste one sugar crystal, just like I can feel one Cupid (the metric unit of measurement for love).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the Love Camel of Llama Land. Come, hop on my hump and let me lead you to water.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a love factory. I make love out of high quality plastics at an affordable price.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Empty packets of hot sauce remind me of the love I used to have for her. Now all I’m left with is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’ve got a tortilla chip type of love. So am I to blame if I’m looking for a little salsa on the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sunlight is great in a convertible, but it is not convertible to lemonade or love, and it’s not containable and easily shipped.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the Zam Maz of love. Or at least I will be, once 572w167e74zx2.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was somebody else, somebody I could love. And since somebody else never… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my love were a bagel, I’d put cream cheese on it. But it’s not a bagel, so I just put cheddar… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like watching water drops drip off my eyelashes. Reminds me that I’m not the Desert of Love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the assembly line of love. Please take off your shoes before you run on my conveyer belt.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In the throes of passion, I threw out an I love you. Did I mean it? Does a dictionary mean what it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
