“If it comes all scratched and dented, then no matter what you do, unless you buff and polish it, it always looks… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a color, it'd be orange. Not because that's a romantic color, but because it's the sweetest. If you want… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Even though I buried our love in a coffin, it isn’t dead. No, our love is very much alive. Or at least… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A one-winged bird does not fly south for the winter. It flies south, west, north, and east, over and over. That’s how… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm the Chuck Norris of Chuck Norris quotes, and I make love like Chuck Norris, only Chuckier.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is as old as time, though it is considerably more difficult to stuff inside a watch.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a billowy white cloud exploded, that’d be close to what my love looks like. The only difference is my love has… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like being featherless in mid flight and not even wondering if you taste like chicken. My love must taste like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On a scale of 1-10, fish have them. Scales—fish have scales, and I have 10 of them. Fish—I have 10, and I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the tomato of grapes. I am the cherry of tomatoes. I am the red fruit of love that goes best… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You will know my power when you feel me compress you into a ball and bowl with you. I make love like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life was unbalanced. That is, until I found love and grew a second leg.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t like sleeping, but I do like watching the inside of my eyelids. That’s how I drive, and that’s how I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is 90% what life is about, plus or minus 10%. Of course, I just made both figures up, and made-up figures… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m going to count to three, and if you’re not on number four by the time I’m done, I’m going to continue… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love spends more time washing its hands than it does pissing in the kitchen sink. Remember that next time someone locks themself… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You graduated 120 years ago? When I graduated I was just one of many in a large stack of love letters. Now… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A fire truck is just a drivable penis. The flames of my love might engulf you, if you don’t let me park… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She loves me. She must, because she left flowers in the fridge from her date. She knows how I love flower salad.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I can’t see the bottom, I don’t know how much is left. Why does my love have to be so thick?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
