“When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I carry on about how much you love me, and I carry on my love like it’s carry-on luggage.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I get excited I drool. That’s why I buy bibs wholesale from my dentist. Based on that alone you could label… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At five in the morning, I was half asleep. The whole left side of my body was taking a nap. Seems I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Poison Ivy tastes like an itch when you have it on your tongue, and I’d say that love tastes the same, only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d like to spend money on a wallet, but if I spent money on a wallet, I’d have none left over to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I describe love to an emotional Helen Keller, I usually say it has four legs, fur, and possesses the ability to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used like a Love Fleece. I imagine you’re shaking your head. Do you disagree? Fine, then when you’re… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather have a high EQ than a high IQ. After all, what is more important than love?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather make love to a robot than a politician, because it’d be more personable. Anyway, talking vacuum cleaners with flesh and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were crying, and your tears were so salty I decided to collect your sadness to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My eyes were blurry from being in love, and my feelings were as furry as Bigfoot. I thought I spotted Her, the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: Let’s say we’re on a date, and I’m being all seductive by talking nonstop about such interesting topics… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On a scale of 1-10, I'd probably be considered obese. Though I weigh much more than 10, my love is heavier still.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love in my bathtub, because there’s only room for one person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep my love in the trunk. And I drive slowly over speed bumps, so she doesn’t bump her head around.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She wasn’t gung ho, but she was Gung’s ho. There’s no love lost between them, because I found it all and sold… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I left the door open so you could come in—and I could go out. That’s what being in love is all about.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is always there when you don’t need it, and when you need it and it’s not there, well, that’s what hookers… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like I make grilled cheese sandwiches. I had no idea what I was doing, but she melted into me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
