If your house is on fire and you can only escape with your life and one thing, what one thing would you… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm a realist all the way. I'm too cynical to be an optimist. But I've lived too much of a charmed life… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
With comics, you always talk about a big break, but there are a lot of big breaks in your life and not… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My dad's been having a hard time lately. Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
