Alcohol: Because no good story starts with So this one time I was eating a salad — Persia Copy Share Image
There are a lot of clubs that are like, 'Don't do political jokes because it incites a lot of heckling.' — Michelle Buteau Copy Share Image
If you push your brother down the stairs, he will become your step brother. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I make a joke that I'm the Internet curmudgeon, but 'wary' is a good way to put it. — Bill Keller Copy Share Image
I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I don't like to argue with females, I'm simply explaining why I'm right… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
It is much easier to write a good Times leading article than a good joke in Punch. — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
He was saying that the end of the world wasn't an accident; it was a joke. — Holly Black Copy Share Image
The Muppets are no joke. They are for real. Each one has an agent and manager and all that stuff. I'm not… — Terry Crews Copy Share Image
I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
Why do porn sites have a Share To Facebook button??? Who watches porn and thinks, You kno who would really enjoy this????… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
Sex is God's joke on the human race ... if we didn't have sex to make us ridiculous, She would have had… — Erica Jong Copy Share Image
The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose, and his mother's mouth. Which leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression. — Robert Benchley Copy Share Image
I am all at once what Christ is, ' since he was what I am, and This Jack, joke, poor potsherd, '… — Gerard Manley Hopkins Copy Share Image
I am aware that by many persons, it is considered in the nature of a joke to to become a candidate and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In actual fact, the female function is to explore, discover, invent, solve problems crack jokes, make music - all with love. In… — Valerie Solanas Copy Share Image
In his recent book, When Brute Force Fails, UCLA's Kleiman argues that new strategies for targeting repeat offenders--including reforms to make probation… — David Von Drehle Copy Share Image
Perhaps there can be too much making of cups of tea, I thought, as I watched Miss Statham filling the heavy teapot.… — Barbara Pym Copy Share Image
The difficulty in the way of writing a children's play is that Barrie was born too soon. Many people must have felt… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They have what you call a black night where they have black people come in for just one night only to watch… — Mike Epps Copy Share Image
One day... A nude guy was sunbathing on a beach... He has no clothes at all and there came this little girl… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are elements of that, where you'll see a scene again and you'll recognize it, but I wouldn't say it's got one… — Mitchell Hurwitz Copy Share Image
I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
But while I'd be their daughter, while I'd eat the roast and come home from dates and wash the dishes, I would… — Judy Blundell Copy Share Image
