I felt as if I was the brunt of some massive joke at my expense: Can you believe this loser can be… — Kevin Bacon Copy Share Image
If you give a little credit to the concept of the artist, I think you ought to indulge excesses a bit, because… — Bill Watterson Copy Share Image
Paul was dying of an un-known illness. His wife sat at the bedside comforting him. He looked up and said weakly, I… — Unknow Copy Share Image
I love mixing humor and terror, or humor and exhaustion, or even humor and despair. I'm dealing right now with a loved… — Gail Simone Copy Share Image
I sing songs from the theater and pop songs. When I say 'pop songs,' I mean from the 90's. And I tell… — Laura Benanti Copy Share Image
I am an artist who's just tryin' to do something different, and basically not caring about everybody's opinions and wanting to follow… — Tyga Copy Share Image
M.I.T.: I had a nervous breakdown this weekend. Have some fries. Caltech: I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend. Have some fries.… — Kevin Copy Share Image
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to… — Kevin Copy Share Image
“I'm sitting at the bar, rearranging the order of my jokes. I'm under the delusion that I'm having bad shows because of… — Patton Oswalt Copy Share Image
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby… — Kevin Copy Share Image
I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Somehow people have been sold on the idea that only professionals can entertain them, that only professionals can sing or tell jokes.… — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
Girlfriend giving house directions 2 her boyfriend Come to the front gate of my apartment where you drop me, Look for flat… — Shadawcatt Copy Share Image
I had done an interview with 'Hello' magazine. In it, they asked me if I was going to marry Emily Blunt. Of… — Michael Buble Copy Share Image
Honestly, Jared, one thing at a time. Why are you in a well with me? This is a really bad rescue!" [...]… — Sarah Rees Brennan Copy Share Image
Other than his ex-wife and despite appearances with a series of cultivated blondes, Edward de Bono has never publicly aligned himself with… — Antonella Gambotto-Burke Copy Share Image
In the Senate race I went for some candidate endorsement meetings and three people there asked me: Do you go to a… — Angela Alioto Copy Share Image
There's that wonderful line in Measure for Measure. I forget which of the characters has committed adultery and is going to die.… — Lore Segal Copy Share Image
Canadians always make jokes about the arrogant American, but the longer I'm here, the more I realize, "Oh, it isn't that they're… — Kelly Oxford Copy Share Image
Those who do not have power over the story that dominates their lives, power to retell it, to rethink it, deconstruct it,… — Salman Rushdie Copy Share Image
I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every… — Bill Burr Copy Share Image
But the grind has begun. The windows don’t open, and even the availability of near-constant jokes about Jews and Mormons fails to… — Dave Eggers Copy Share Image
I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
The idea of surprise is part of what makes something funny, or what gets a reaction. At least when I'm an audience… — Charlyne Yi Copy Share Image
There had been a popular joke on Freedom, started by a man named Calder. Looking down from space, he had said, the… — Larry Niven Copy Share Image
Make a list of all the lovers you've ever had. Warren Lasher Ed "Rubberhead" Catapano Charles Deats or Keats Alfonse Tuck it… — Lorrie Moore Copy Share Image
“I hate people who say, “Good moaning,” instead of, “Good morning.” What kind of a wanker, are they? I’ll tell you. It’s… — Karl Wiggins Copy Share Image
It was a strange feeling going into a church I did not know for a service that I did not really believe… — Michael Palin Copy Share Image
I was given the name by my brother when I was about eleven or twelve years old. He was older than me,… — Ice Cube Copy Share Image
Freud believed that our dreams sometimes recapitulate a speech, a comment we've heard or something that we've read. I always had compositions… — David Mamet Copy Share Image
I once played the chief part in a rather exciting business without ever once budging from London . And the joke of… — John Buchan Copy Share Image
A prof was traveling by a boat. He asked the sailor, do you know biology? Physiology? Geology? Morphology? Zoology? Ecology? Or criminology?… — Horla Copy Share Image
Then I could not help wondering what the watching gods thought of us, with our clever masks and our jokes. What we… — Gene Wolfe Copy Share Image
“Minds me of a story they tell about Willy Feeley when he was a young fella. Willy was bashful, awful bashful. Well,… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
People would say, "Oh, you say you just do jokes." I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I tell you a joke to have you listen to me, and then maybe I will tell you another joke that we… — Sayed Kashua Copy Share Image
You have to understand that people feel threatened by a writer. It's very curious. He knows something they don't know. He knows… — Ernest Lehman Copy Share Image
Buying a New Farm A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You should not take old people who are already dead seriously. It does them injustice. We immortals do not like things to… — Hermann Hesse Copy Share Image
![“Honestly, Jared, one thing at a time. Why are you in a well with me? This is a really bad rescue!" [...] "I called the police as I was running to the well. I'm sure they're coming." "Did they say they were coming?" Kami asked suspiciously. "Or did you shout, 'Kami's in the well!' before jumping in…” quote by Sarah Rees Brennan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/b54/sarah-rees-brennan-994_bark_honestly-jared-one-thing-at-a-time-why-a_937874.jpg)
