“Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I always think any circumstances can be funny. Not that I'm irresponsible, but when things go wrong, I always come up with… — Brian Helgeland Copy Share Image
A pregnant lady went to an astrologer. Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby's father will die. Lady: Thank god! My husband… — AB Copy Share Image
Twitter is a good medium to lean how to write jokes. It pushes you to write a better joke in that, on… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
“He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
The joke about SAP has always been, it's making '50s German manufacturing methodology, implemented in 1960s software technology, delivered to 1970-style manufacturing… — Marc Andreessen Copy Share Image
Well, I like to have fun and be silly, and a lot of people who know me know I joke a lot… — Marvin Bagley III Copy Share Image
Unlike singers, who can earn for years by singing one song, we artistes have to be on our toes all the time.… — Binnu Dhillon Copy Share Image
I've said things that, now, I wish I hadn't said because times have changed and like the me of 15-20 years ago… — Paul F. Tompkins Copy Share Image
Early on, people told me I was making Chinese people look bad. I've been living with this accent. I had already been… — Ronny Chieng Copy Share Image
It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
As I grow older, I become more and more of a Marxist - Groucho, that is. When you have lived two-thirds of… — Karen DeCrow Copy Share Image
Sometimes, at parties, people demand I tell a joke. It's like pointing a gun at my feet and telling me to dance. — Celia Rivenbark Copy Share Image
When I had dial-up, my mom got me a phone so I wouldn't tie up the phone. She used to really pick… — Karen Civil Copy Share Image
If I write a joke, sometimes people will call it a 'lie,' and I'm fascinated with that. — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
My type of comedy is always self-deprecating, the joke's always on me. — Asim Chaudhry Copy Share Image
From as long as, literally as far back as I can remember I've liked puns, word jokes, I can literally recall looking… — Tom Stoppard Copy Share Image
With every side I've played for, I've always tried to fit in and joke with my team mates while enjoying good times… — Antoine Griezmann Copy Share Image
You need to tune into a different way of being funny for kids. They're learning the rhythm of a joke. — Graham Linehan Copy Share Image
People feel like using the word 'joke' removes responsibility for the hurt their words may cause. It doesn't; in fact, it may… — Franchesca Ramsey Copy Share Image
I learned a long time ago from when I did 'Seinfeld' never to take anything seriously, and to be part of the… — Marlee Matlin Copy Share Image
“Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
One question about a joke is, how well is the strangeness of the situation resolved? At 'The New Yorker', we retain a… — Robert Mankoff Copy Share Image
There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. — Judy Gold Copy Share Image
