I always wanted to be a comedian, even when I was a little kid. I had a funny father who was in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I can't stay mad at Pope Frank. I just can't. It's a funny situation that I like the pope and Mel Gibson… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
God knows life sucks. It's right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: If you still think Obama is a Muslim, you just might be a redneck. A Christian church in South Carolina… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Barack Obama is the President of the United States, a politician in America, a very religious country, so I understand why he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The only silver lining I can find is that British accents aren't sexy anymore. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I can't believe I'm saying this, but Obama looks like he DOES need a teleprompter. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'm more likely to not invite someone back for not talking. If someone talks a lot, I can usually shut them up… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
...what I love about Ann Coulter is that she's sort of the-she's sort of a version of myself in that she absolutely… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Is it like gay men go into the priesthood because they figure, Well, this'll solve my problem. I can't be a homosexual… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
