“Groom yourself into a character that God will trust with power and success.” — Esther Thomas Copy Share Image
“I had this terrible nightmare; I dreamt I was a politician and they were dragging me off to parliament” — rassool jibraeel snyman Copy Share Image
“Boredom is probably more frequent and more tormenting if you do not have sight or hands.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Please let's change subject, as despite the alliteration, I don't think Politics and Puddings go together.” — J.E Allen Copy Share Image
“Love is like a lost fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.” — Stephen K. Amos Copy Share Image
“When a Lady chooses to Change Her Mind,' said the Mouse with a touch of hauteur, 'a Gentleman would consider it no… — Noel Langley Copy Share Image
“Nothing more likely,"said Hannasyde. "I've got to try and rattle him." "It's him that'll do the rattling,"said the Sergeant darkly. "he's the… — Georgette Heyer Copy Share Image
“If the techs are on it we're fine, but Briamiv and his buddy could fuck up a full stop at the end… — China Miéville Copy Share Image
“I was lured into a navvy's cottage tonight!" - Dear Popsy: Collected Postcards of a Private Schoolboy to his Father.” — Eric Bishop-Potter Copy Share Image
“Bonjour, the Embassy of France' 'Ah, bonjour, excuse me for asking but where is the French Coastguard?' 'At the coast. Guarding.” — Tim Fitzhigham Copy Share Image
I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is… — Jasper Carrott Copy Share Image
“Here am I, sweating my brains out to introduce a really sensational incident into your dull and disreputable little police investigation, and… — Dorothy L. Sayers Copy Share Image
“I knew that I was talented. I was positive about that. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was talented at, but I… — Sara Sheridan Copy Share Image
“There was a crash from the direction of the kitchen, although it really was more of a crashendo - the long drawn… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Most aren't trying to kill you, unfortunately. They're trying to bed you, mistress." "Why?" "Probably because of the prophecy," said Nandi. "Prophecy,"… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
“Punching - 2 shillings Both eyes blacked - 4 shillings Nose and jaw broke - 10 shillings Jacked out (knocked out with… — Eoin Colfer Copy Share Image
“Is there anything in your life trying to slip off? Is your health threatening to leave you? Is your joy threatening to… — Patience Johnson Copy Share Image
“Mother,” Hyacinth said, pausing for slightly longer than normal to steal a bit of time to organize her thoughts, “I am not… — Julia Quinn Copy Share Image
Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“More polar bears live in Canada than in the rest of the world combined, which raises the question, Why the hell did… — Will Ferguson Copy Share Image
“The place had enormous possibilities. He realized that at once. The stream, of course, was perfect for sailing toy boats, for skipping… — David Eddings Copy Share Image
“The pen is truly mightier than the sword. Unless you're holding a pen and the other guy's holding a sword.” — Dave Besseling Copy Share Image
“The snide little fucker actually paid you a visit in person? ~ Her Demonic Angel ~” — Felicity Heaton Copy Share Image
“My poetic aspiration Is to become, A Jack of all styles And a master of pun.” — Clive Blake Copy Share Image
“The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.” — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
“She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I’m confident I can trick her into it.” — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
“You are from Belfast; are you sure that was your first time holding a gun?” — Neil Walker Copy Share Image
“A whoop of charmers will go bananas once they have felt all their efforts have been made in vain.” — Lana M. Rochel Copy Share Image
Women are like bars of soap. After a while they lose their freshness, become worn and a bit hairy. — Robert Black Copy Share Image
“Thanks for not trying to see me when I looked like hell.” “To be fair, you still look pretty bad.” — John Green Copy Share Image
