Humour Quotes · Page 39

“It'd be funny if one of them was called Gavin. Funny but irrelevant.”

— John Marsden

“Colourful lips are pretty, child but they also speak colourful lies.”

— J. Limbu

everybody fancies they have that rare thing, a sense of humour.

— Olivia Robertson

“Gentlemen, this is a story that you shall tell your grandchildren, and mightily bored they'll be.”

— Anonymous

“We will never speak of your cadaverous girlfriend or murderous ways ever again.”

— Elle Casey

My father had a good sense of humour about a lot of things, including life, which I think I inherited.

— Brian Dennehy

As soon as I got funny, I killed any majestic intentions in my work.

— William Wegman

“I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.”

— Hannah Harrington

“I take the precaution of wearing proper, decent clothes when changing a light bulb in case I get zapped and die.”

— Joyce Rachelle

“Many a survivor of a plane crash who is or was against cannibalism and had never eaten human flesh once found themselves…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“...and thus he found his single source of joy in the society of other people: frightening the girls with his penis.”

— Christopher Moore

“My grandmother said, ‘It doesn’t really matter where you had to go, where you got the ring, or where you played the…

— Vernon Davis

One way of watering down the effects of violence is to approach it in a more lighthearted way. I don't mean to…

— Colin Baker

“Yo, bredren, we be the illest,' went my proclamation. 'We be the dopest,' Anand would follow. 'Our tunes are going to be…

— Nikesh Shukla

“She whispers in my ear: ‘"Tell me that you wan' fuck me hard, make me sweat." In the excitement, she misses out…

— Joe Dunthorne

“I once went to one of his Virgin Vie parties and had a really good time watching Chas having a paddy whilst…

— St. John Morris

With pornography, if you don't get hard or wet, depending on your gender, it didn't work. With humour, if you don't laugh…

— Neil Gaiman

“I like ass-watching.” Peabody settled herself in comfortably.“When I see one bigger than mine, it makes me feel good. When I see…

— JD Robb

“I showed them a clip from Brokeback Mountain, which I think was done a tremendous disservice when they pitched it as a…

— Jeremy Blachman

“Queen Bee hates me. I know, as I reach the door, that nothing good waits for me on the other side. When…

— John Owen Theobald

[on his dwarfism] When I was younger, definitely, I let it get to me. As an adolescent, I was bitter and angry…

— Peter Dinklage

I've often said the most difficult things I have to say to people through humour. I can very quickly put someone in…

— Dawn French

“Och, away now, Ruari. You'll be telling us you're not knowing who that woman is next! Man, man, that's an awful affliction.”…

— Robertson Tait

I think as much as I talk about humour being a defence mechanism, I'm also really grateful that I developed it, because…

— Simon Amstell

Practice makes perfect,but nobody is perfect,so why practice ?

— Lovemore Chirubvu

“I BELIEVE EVERYONE IS SPECIAL . . . BUT SOME PEOPLE THINK . . . . IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING NO-ONE IS”

— Ashish Ranjan

“What sort of look are you going for?” Damn, how did he answer this? “Something…normal,” he finally said.”

— Toni Blake

Marriage is a relationship in which one is always right and the other is the husband.

— Anonymous

It takes all sorts to make a world - saints as well as soldiers.

— Anthony Anderson

“Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.”

— Spike Milligan

A sense of humour is a major defense against minor troubles.

— Mignon McLaughlin

“My dear, I don't care what they do, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses”

— Anonymous

My dad, Jack, had a great sense of humour and had a strong impact on me and my humour.

— Billy Crystal

Every culture loves scatological humour. That's always a favourite.

— Alex D. Linz

“There is much to discover that's not on the back cover!”

— Anonymous

“I often don't know where my Luggage is, that's what being a tourist is all about," said Twoflower.”

— Terry Pratchett

“You’re so damn big,” she whispered. “Why, thank you cariño,” he said.”

— Cherise Sinclair

The writing is a joy, so seamless you nearly miss the sheer artistry of the style and the terrific, wry humour.

— Ken Bruen

“Now Leroux, what think you Of this twist to the story?”

— E.A. Bucchianeri

“Never look in the mirror when your stressed it’s contagious”

— Benny Bellamacina