“Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.” — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“Private Benjamin lives next door but one to Bob Cryer from The Bill. I once saw him crouching down behind a sycamore… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“Next door but one is Quinlan Broddle, a Viceroy with a fear of gardens. So much so that he sold his garden… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“St John had been sitting in the back garden twizzling a pencil, on the end of which a russet deposit was impaled,… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“St John had always been a fan of the RS Turbo, mainly due to the colour coded rear spoiler and air vents… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“Oh yeah, well I suddenly realises that she’d only been with my boyfriend at the Co-op Christmas do when I were eighteen.… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“This particular event had been somewhat more raucous than usual as Derek Jameson had just lost an arm wrestle with Ann Diamond.… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“The Macedonian Endeavour Channel was screening live coverage of the world series of the Who’s Got the Stupidest Name (WGSN) competition. First… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“Tobak Davenport, who is a cross between some Sugar Puffs and Lynn Faulds-Wood, was squatting there before being removed by the local… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“I once went to one of his Virgin Vie parties and had a really good time watching Chas having a paddy whilst… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“Beetroot Cossins had moved to Kuala Lumpur where she had died of lethargy and pie.” — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“Her protestations were drowned out by the sound of Gordon Honeycomb barfing up aftershock into the kitchenette sink.” — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“Next door to the Bensons is Emmet Frag, a retired pacemaker who is credited with inventing the notion of happiness. He’s currently… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“There was Arctic John, a businessman from Salisbury who doesn’t hold water, Bruce Knott, a social worker from Cumberland who spends his… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“Eunice had deposited St John upon the balcony of the first-floor apartment of former Liberal MP, The Rt. Hon. Leonard Cossins, the… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“A huge meringue with polio who drives everywhere in a beautifully restored Hillman Imp.” — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“He had also spent a day and a half without sleep trying to start an online petition to bring back the advert… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“Had the facial plumage been of a paler hue it would have looked like a pile of horse crap on a winter’s… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“You little prick. It's a whelk...it's a...it's a...dead whelk!” — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
“...his knees were held together by the skin-tight trousers, which consequently narrowed the aperture through which great quantities of malodorous, rancid dreck… — St. John Morris Comedy Copy Share Image
