Humour Quotes · Page 37

No Offense Means, I'm About To Insult You, But Dont Get Mad.

— Pacifiersucker

“What would your shoes say about the things you do everyday?”

— Sherley Mondesir-Prescott

“If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I just want mind-boggling sex tonight, but I don’t think you can beat my vibrator.”

— Anna Bayes

“Love may be on the horizon, but beware something wicked this way comes.”

— Wilkie Martin

“...our witness, one Edward Littleton, was as gay as Elton John's handbag.”

— Ann Somerville

I am in fear, there is no humour left in public life because of this fear.

— Narendra Modi

I have a great sense of humour. I am teasing, taunting and authoritative.

— Suhasini Maniratnam

The nurses' job is emotional and distressing. Their day-to-day work is dealing with people withering and falling to pieces. So black humour…

— Peter Capaldi

“I remember Peyton [Manning] called me as soon as I got out to Denver. He started the conversation by asking me, ‘When…

— Vernon Davis

“That's enough!" Holly scrambled out of her seat, too. "My three-year-old behaves better than all of you." She looked down at LJ,…

— Nicole Williams

For a poet to depict a poet in poetry is a hazardous experiment; in regarding one's own trade a sense of humour…

— Edward Dowden

ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

— Ambrose Bierce

“The man is an asshole." "You might say that, but you'd be maligning a part of the body that is of unquestioned…

— Eleanor Arnason

I like doom and gloom with a sense of humour. Maybe it's a Scottish thing, we like to undercut indulgence with a…

— Shirley Henderson

“At no point during the making of this book have I inverted my penis although I did go to Blackpool which turned…

— Matt Rudd

“Crying isn't so bad. I mean, I have a sister..." He paused, and she had the distinct impression he was debating whether…

— Ashley Nikole

Diplomacy, n : 1. The patriotic art of lying for one's country. 2. The art of letting someone have your way. 3.…

— Robert Frost

“Every single person I've seen in the past few days asks me about the Leg. How is it? How's the Leg? The…

— Michael Grant

“Swimbos,” Rök said with an aggrieved shrug. Swimbos —Rök’s play on “She Who Must Be Obeyed”. “Can I help it?” “Yeah, you…

— Kresley Cole

“There is a certain amount which I shan't mention publicly," Elizabeth said. "Things about Lucia which I should never dream of stating…

— E.F. Benson

“We're all leaving now", Blue Eyes whispered to her. "Together. Out the front door. Scream, and we'll kill you here and now.…

— Christopher Golden

“It was while he was on the tower that Robbie came to the rampart beneath. 'I want you to look at this,'…

— Bernard Cornwell

“Sometime later the islanders on a little rimward atoll were amazed to find, washed into their little local lagoon, the wave-rocked corpse…

— Terry Pratchett

“A quarter of an hour more of this success, and there won’t be ten cartridges in the barricade.”

— Victor Hugo

“Everyone knows that "everything" doesn't include windows.”

— Pierre Burton

You've got to have a sense of humour about sex. When you look at it, it's all pretty ridiculous, isn't it?

— Cat Deeley

I think, for me, humour needs to be used like a strong spice - sparingly.

— George Murray

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.

— Jonathan Tropper

“Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It's supposed to be automatic, but actually you have to push this button.

— John Brunner

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.

— Oscar Wilde

“They say life is full of shit, well hell, so am I, so bring it on”

— J W Murison

“its bad enough talking to yourself but worse when you realise you aren't listening”

— Tabitca Cope

“So a half-breed goatsnake, a Yith, and a Ghast walk into a bar.”

— Catherynne M. Valente

“So it's off with the shellsuit and on with the Armanis, Bring out the champagne and the caviar sarnies”

— Roger McGough

“So? I know lots of beautiful women. Nova wanted to chase... I merely obliged her by running.”

— D.D. Chant

“There’s no way I’m only meant to be a mom and wife. There’s got to be more in store for me, right?”

— Bree Penfold

“I have not yet tranquillised myself enough to see Frederica.”

— Jane Austen

“You're more mean-spirited than I remember you being." "It's this organic body. Hologram fur wasn't itchy.”

— Howard Tayler