Humor Quotes · Page 1,280

“I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang, that’s why I carry two bricks around with me wherever I go, so…

— Nicole McKay

If I'm doing comedy, I try to improvise a lot. Even if they don't use it, it helps me loosen up and…

— Zach Woods

Most comedy is not very ambitious. You probably can't name more than a handful of comedies that would qualify for Best Picture.

— Harold Ramis

I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a…

— Woody Allen

“No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.”

— Anonymous

“As it turns out, my acceptance of the heroin addict’s invitation to party may have been a case of poor judgement.”

— emily austin

“Life's too short, drive it like ya stole it!”

— Debra L. Hartmann

Be the change. What you think, you become. Where there is love, there is life. Learn as you'll live forever. Your health…

— Gandhi

Comedy was a secret want, but it wasn't anything I pursued.

— Tig Notaro

“... and you're the son of his youngest. He has no other children. Oh, your father's dead, by the way. Fell off…

— Scott Lynch

“Give me an adventure." In the moment that followed, Cord realized that this sounded weird, and lost her nerve. She held up…

— Neal Stephenson

“She inhaled his delicious male scent again. “Why do you smell so good?” “This.” He held up a small bottle. Eau de…

— Cari Silverwood

When a chick has a sense of humor, there's nothing more attractive.

— Dylan O'Brien

“Just see where we can improve and just keep at it.”

— Dr. Poison King

“I do twenty jumping jacks a day. Well, half of that. I just clap.”

— Martha Bolton

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

— Milton Jones

“Pissing out the window, and sh*tting out the window, are two different things!”

— Tourettes Guy

“Oh God", Nate dropped his head down on the arm of the couch next to Si. "Has my love life really been…

— Erin Shaw

I have other tastes besides comedy. I love comedy. I adore it, but I love dramatic movies just as much.

— Jonah Hill

This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.

— George Lopez

“Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said: "I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a…

— G.K. Chesterton

“I don’t think it’s as bad as all that.” Bill pressed against the duke’s chest and Greystone sucked in air through his…

— Lorraine Heath

I understand small business growth. I was one.

— George W. Bush

I don't tend to watch too many American comedies. I love British comedy.

— Danny McBride

“He committed the crime of stupidity while under my command," said Citizen. "Oh my," said Rigg. "They're handing out the death penalty…

— Orson Scott Card