A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Growing up in a place that has winter, you learn to avoid self-pity. Winter is not a personal experience, everybody else is… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I like to sing and it's just really fun to sing, and I don't get too much. And at my house I'm… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The thought of people in this day and age sitting down to listen to a radio variety show on Saturday evening is… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
I thought A Prairie Home Companion would be an interesting thing to do for a summer or so. Public radio was just… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Second violins can play a concerto perfectly if they're in their own home and nobody's there. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
The socially redeeming aspect of golf lies in the vast number of lawyers and bankers and managers who play it, and when you think… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see,… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
