Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 8

It's a joke, not a dick, don't take it so hard.

— Anonymous

Okay. - the only thing ever said by guys in Sex, Shower and Sandwitch.

— Nikhil Saluja

Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there.

— Nikhil Saluja

Exams are close, so I will flip a coin; if heads will go on Facebook and if tails will go on Search…

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Smart phones, smart cars, smart televisions... when are they going to start making smart people?

— Tanya Bianco

White people: 'OMG! I LOVE THIS SONG!' Black people: 'OH HELL YEAH NIGGA THIS IS MY SHIT!'

— Anonymous

I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow.

— Nikhil Saluja

Six things we say at school.Im tired. Im cold. I dont get it. Im hungry.What time is it? I wanna go home.

— Aalaynah Thompson

Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea. If you add commas.

— Anonymous

I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to…

— Anonymous

Some great sexy sayings- U cannot taste me, until u undressme? -Banana. U cannot eat me unless u lick me - Ice…

— Sniper Alpacino

I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.

— Anonymous

You couldnt handle me even if I came with Instructions.

— Syoung

Its mess up when u never pay attention to somebody til u heard some freaky stuff about them...I havent pay any attention…

— IG:catone_2_funny

Whenever someone says, ''It's getting hot in here'' I automatically think, ''So take off all your clothes

— Hussein Nishah

Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so it appears like you actually…

— Anonymous

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

— Oscar Wilde

You can tell a lot about a person by holding a gun at their head and asking them questions.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I'm not back in five minutes ... just wait longer.

— Nikhil Saluja

Admit it, you've farted & blamed it on somebody else before.

— Anonymous

You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfish I am "THE GOD OF FLAKES."

— Anonymous

Politicians are like bananas when they first come in they're green, then they turn yellow, and finally they're rotten!

— Nikhil Saluja

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh you got Swag? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application.

— Anonymous

Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking

— Hussein Nishah