Funny Quotes by Spike Milligan

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

— Spike Milligan

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

— Spike Milligan

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

— Spike Milligan

Its all in the mind, you know.

— Spike Milligan

One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?

— Spike Milligan

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

— Spike Milligan

A man once asked to shake hands with me, the "greatest Englishman who ever lived." I replied, "F**k off, I'm Irish."

— Spike Milligan

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

— Spike Milligan

The Grand Old Duke of York He had ten thousand men. His case comes up next week.

— Spike Milligan

“Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.”

— Spike Milligan

Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

— Spike Milligan

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.

— Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

— Spike Milligan

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

— Spike Milligan