I typed married but it was auto-corrected to martyred. Damn,smartphone has gained intelligence. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“Gone are the days when the old country doctor would drive out to your house and amputate your infected leg for a… — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
A teenager is always too tired to hold a dishcloth, but never too tired to hold a phone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What more can life hold, than to know that because of your story, somebody out there has decided to read again! — Caroline B. Cooney Copy Share Image
I love because I care, I care because I love. If that's too much then your worthless and that's totally fair. — Zabi Khojazada Copy Share Image
“We still have a lot to talk about," I said. "Talk?" He shook his head, his eyes full of desire. Kiss ,… — Becca Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the… — Jack Benny Copy Share Image
Every since it started snowing, my little brother has been looking through the window, guess it's high time I let him inside — Avalon Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when someone hates on you. Bitch, my mom thinks I'm amazing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Farming, if you do one thing late, you will be late in all your work. — Cato the Elder Copy Share Image
Too bad Steve Jobs didn't invent the vacuum. I think the iSuck would have been a big seller. — Laura S Copy Share Image
Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The only reason the laundrette on Albert Square in Eastenders is open is because none of the people on there can figure… — Sparki Dee Copy Share Image
“Cheese runners shouted at it, tried to grab it, and flailed at it with sticks, but the piratical cheese scythed onward, reaching… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“We must have taken a wrong turn turning somewhere." "Where, Purgatory?" said Dozy. "We're in Hell.” — John Connolly Copy Share Image
Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for their love, so I think you can at least answer my text message. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Spongebob, you're such a copycat. You live in Bikini Bottom & you're super absorbent? Sincerely, annoyed tampons. — Unkown Copy Share Image
In 1879 chocolate and peanut butter joined forces. But shut and up joined forces hundreds of centuries before. Both still to this… — Ash Sweeney Copy Share Image
