Funny Quotes · Page 1,573

This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper.

— Franklin D. Roosevelt

I can't tell you how many times I've had a friend tell me, in this tender and discreet voice, 'It's just you…

— Devendra Banhart

I err therefore I am.

— Anonymous

Mom, can i... go ask your dad.dad, can i... go ask your mother. WTF.

— Anonymous

Being angry is not necessarily bad, some the best things were invented by angry people. Lamborghini didn't produce a single car until…

— Hussein Nishah

I started SpaceX with the expectation of failure.

— Elon Musk

It is not how tall you are, it is how GOOD you are.

— Marv Dunphy

If you carry your cross joyfully, it will carry you.

— Thomas a Kempis

I Will Consult with God and Know that I will be Guided to Do What is Needed.

— Wayne Dyer

Intellectual tasting of life will not supersede muscular activity.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you profile picture is a cat I would think your a pussy if it was a mouse I would think the…

— Julie Simonson

Peace is not everything, but without peace, everything is nothing.

— Willy Brandt

I don't understand how some brides have 20+ bridesmaids, I mean I don't even like so many people

— Avalon

If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding…

— Tom Hiddleston

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

— Tim Vine

Live for something rather than die for nothing.

— George S. Patton

Why are there some lipsticks like $30 please calm down you glorified red crayon

— Chinier Bennett

I think 'Mrs. Brown's Boys' in particular is very good, though I do find that perhaps the language is a bit strong…

— David Jason

Simon Pegg is terribly talented, very funny, such a delicious sense of humour.

— Christopher Plummer

Dear kids on are you smarter than a 5th grader, what elementary school did you go to? Sincerely, I didn't learn that…

— Anonymous

I realise there are situations where I camp it up, make myself into a sort of novelty character to ease things along.…

— Perfume Genius

The assailant is often in the right; the assailed is always.

— Walter Savage Landor

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

— Woody Allen

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything you are not.

— Anonymous

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 2

— MaryAnne Tebedo