Funny Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 26

Idiots don't know they are idiots, I know I am an idiot therefore I am not an idiot ;)

— Nikhil Saluja

If I was a serial killer I'd use my knife to make strangers kiss in front of me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be!

— Nikhil Saluja

I lost her at stop telling me about your funny tweets

— Nikhil Saluja

Just converted to a new religion. It's called idontgiveafuckism.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;

— Nikhil Saluja

WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

— Nikhil Saluja

If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge...

— Nikhil Saluja

Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations.

— Nikhil Saluja

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

— Nikhil Saluja

A woman goes to a palm reader and hears that her husband will die a violent death. She asks, Will I be…

— Nikhil Saluja

Favstar is nothing but parallel universe for twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again…

— Nikhil Saluja

A sneeze is like a little orgasm. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and think about your twitter crush.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I follow you, don't tweet about your boyfriend because I'm your boyfriend until further notice.

— Nikhil Saluja

He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes We ignore the obvious because we get too caught up in being hopeful.

— Nikhil Saluja

Alcoholic: A person you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

— Nikhil Saluja

On your mark, get set, go fuck yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, please help me find a match for this sock. What for? Are you going to set it on fire?

— Nikhil Saluja

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

— Nikhil Saluja

Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

He had occasional flashes of silence, that made his conversation perfectly delightful.

— Nikhil Saluja