You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family,… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by,… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well...… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently? — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world! — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys? — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently? — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I used to go to open mics in New York when I was starting out, and it was mostly just people who wanted an… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I don't enjoy reality television at all. I have to say that I get it, though. I watch some of it, and I understand… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
You go from nobody looking at you to people taking second looks. I remember really loving it - and then feeling so guilty for… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
