I would be an actress for the rest of my life just because it's really relaxing. Writing is hard work, and stand-up… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
My parents are pretty religious, devout, but did they force it on me? No, I don't think so. I still think of… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I used to go to open mics in New York when I was starting out, and it was mostly just people who… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I would love for people to know that the label 'feminist' is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Animals in general have sparked a weird depression in me, because as much as I tried, I couldn't layer a personality over… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I never really saw myself as a standup comedian. I always just thought of myself as someone who used the eight minutes… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I love the idea that I have the power to look for the projects I can put myself into, but I'm still… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I think it's great training for any comedian to start on cows. Because with cows, you expect them to be bored and… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently? — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I used to go to open mics in New York when I was starting out, and it was mostly just people who wanted an… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I don't enjoy reality television at all. I have to say that I get it, though. I watch some of it, and I understand… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
You go from nobody looking at you to people taking second looks. I remember really loving it - and then feeling so guilty for… — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
