People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted... it was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he spent two weeks at a nudist colony. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself." — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth. I work because I enjoy what I'm doing, and… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.' — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
![“I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what…” quote by Johnny Carson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/f79/johnny-carson-2644_feels_i-can-empathize-with-president-george-bu_29826.jpg)
