The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And,… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The price of Christmas toys is outrageous - a hundred dollars, two hundred dollars for video games for the youngsters. I remember… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I've worked ever since I was a kid with a two-bit kit of magic tricks trying to improve my skills at entertaining… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I'm not one of those who spring up yelling, "Yippee! Another day!" I'll grumble and sulk around a couple of hours, reading… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth. I work because I enjoy what I'm doing, and… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.' — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
![“I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what…” quote by Johnny Carson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/f79/johnny-carson-2644_feels_i-can-empathize-with-president-george-bu_29826.jpg)
