The vast majority of us don't want to face the fact that we're in the middle of a sweeping social revolution. In… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
It was so hot today I saw a robin dipping his worm in Nestea.It was so hot today I saw a pigeon… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Audiences have proved time and again that they don't want a steady diet of any entertainer airing his social views - especially… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I heard from my cat's lawyer today; my cat wants $12,000 a week for Tender Vittles. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming.… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I have no use for eight houses, 88 cars and 500 suits. I can't eat but one steak at a time. I… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional.… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I'm an entertainer; I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself." — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
If God didn't want man to hunt, He wouldn't have given us plaid shirts. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
NBC's a little jealous of CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer. They want to get a reporter with a macho-sounding name too, so they're… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Entertainment is like any other major industry; it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth. I work because I enjoy what I'm doing, and… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.' — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
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