The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I think it's almost immoral to keep on with a marriage that's really bad. It just gets more and more rotten and… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
It's silly to have as one's sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth. I work because I enjoy what I'm doing, and… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The only issue cash presents you is the independence of not stressing about funds. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
From the time I was a little kid, I was always shy. Performing was when I was outgoing. So I guess I am a… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Money gives me just one big thing that's really important, and that's the freedom of not having to worry about money. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, 'Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.' — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
![“I can empathize with President [George Bush]. I know what it feels like having a young guy waiting around for you to keel over.” quote by Johnny Carson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/f79/johnny-carson-2644_feels_i-can-empathize-with-president-george-bu_29826.jpg)
![“I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The times I enjoyed the most were the spontaneous, unplanned segments that just happened, like Ed Ames' infamous "Tomahawk Toss" that produced one of the longest laughs…” quote by Johnny Carson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/5e3/johnny-carson-2644_enjoy_i-m-often-asked-what-is-your-favorite-mo_40090.jpg)
