Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 95

I just tripped over my sister's bras. I guess it was a booby trap.

— Anonymous

Hate when people always use YOLO to make a sentence soundcool Just bought underwear, YOLO

— Anonymous

Counting people to see which paragraph you have to read in class

— Anonymous

Congratulations on getting through college without getting pregnant.

— Anonymous

I challenge you to find a whiter problem than Mad Men and Game of Thrones being on at the same time.

— Anonymous

The 3 fastest means of communication: telephone, television and tell a woman.

— Anonymous

If Twitter, YouTube and Google were part of my school subjects, my parents would be so proud of me.

— Anonymous

Must be 3-7 sentences. Yeah, I'm only writing 3.

— Anonymous

TEACHER: You should KNOW this, you learned it 3 Year ago! Me: Bitch, I dont even remember what happened last week!

— Anonymous

My parents: you're beautiful honey - old people: I bet all the boys are chasing after you already. - Boys: Ew, what…

— Anonymous

Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes.

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced thatpeople actually think your stupid

— Anonymous

If I actually did, Live Like There's No Tomorrow, I'd be in jail!..

— Anonymous

Seriously, I don't know when exactly that UFO landed & dumped all these stupid people, but they apparently aren't coming back for them.

— Anonymous

I know this may be a surprise, but hun your tits go inside your shirt

— Anonymous

A pessimist is someone who has had to listen to too many optimists.

— Anonymous

Don't like my attitude?Send me an e-mail at:www.like_I_care.com

— Anonymous

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke.. ..that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

— Anonymous

When people ask me plz because it's shorter than please. I tell them no because it's shorter than yes .

— Anonymous

Yo moma is like HTML: Tiny head, huge body.

— Anonymous

After Monday's and Tuesday's, even the end of the week says

— Anonymous

Every fight is a food fight for a cannibal.

— Anonymous

I guess you were just one of those people that walked into my life, taught me a lesson, and then walked away

— Anonymous

I need a vacation from my vacation spent worrying about my dog in the kennel.

— Anonymous

This Columbus Day, let's apologize for our historical mistreatment of American Indians by losing money at a tribal casino.

— Anonymous

Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves!

— Anonymous

Can you please be serious ? Ok,ok... I'm gonna be serious now.*DEEP BREATH..* *Bursts out laughing*

— Anonymous

Do you know what's the saddest quote ever created by the funniest man in the world? , I love walking in the…

— Anonymous

What is 2.5 inches long and can satisfy a woman every-time? A credit card.

— Anonymous

Everyone's in a relationship and I'm just sitting here like yep...... I love my pet'.

— Anonymous

Never feed your cat anything that doesn't match the carpet.

— Anonymous

I don't care how many warnings I get, I am still going to eat raw cookie dough.

— Anonymous

I told the board of education, I was bored of education..

— Anonymous

Halloween: Is one night of the year when all households save the most on their electricity bill.

— Anonymous

Love may be blind but marriage is a true eye opener!

— Anonymous

U think I'm jealous of u??? Well yes I am coz if I would b a boy I could have never gotta…

— Anonymous

Putting a good face on in front of people does NOT mean I am okay

— Anonymous

Money doesn't buy happiness....But I'd rather cry in a Ferrari than on my bike.

— Anonymous

Happy Bastille Day to someone pretentious enough to know what the fuck that is.

— Anonymous

That awesome moment when you prove everybody wrong

— Anonymous