Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 101

1st month of school: look nice and dress up. Rest of the school year: Rocking the homelss grandma look.

— Anonymous

First day of school WALKS INTO CLASS ROOM. SEES WHO'S IN IT. STOPS AT THE DOOR. AND YOU'RE THINKING: YOU'VE GOT TO…

— Anonymous

That moment, when someone jokes about one of your insecurities & you have to pretend it doesn't bother you.

— Anonymous

Condoms are like women...most of the time they're pretty annoying, but you need them to get laid.

— Anonymous

I regret having held in even a single fart for you.

— Anonymous

My pillow is my best hair styler, every morning I wake up with a new hair style.

— Anonymous

I never drink coffee at work...mainly because it keeps me awake.

— Anonymous

Congratulations on taking your old job back.

— Anonymous

Let's switch roles this Boss's Day just to see if you can do all my work while being sexually harassed.

— Anonymous

Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says 'Trust me, you dont want to know.'

— Anonymous

Admit it, we've all tried to accomplish as much as possible before the microwave stops.

— Anonymous

Never trust anyone,cause our shadow Also leaves us in darkness.

— Anonymous

I don't know what's more awkward.. Answering Dora.. Or her staring at you while you sit in silence..

— Anonymous

Men are pigs; their every actions and thoughts is dictated by their penis.

— Anonymous

At the gym Boy doing sit-ups: '1...2...3...' Hot girl walks by Boy: '97...98...99...'

— Anonymous

I'm not fat. My stomach is just in 3D.

— Anonymous

I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian.

— Anonymous

Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. [:

— Anonymous

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

— Anonymous

Women are like fish... neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.

— Anonymous

Boys are like parking spots: all the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

— Anonymous

I will NEVER work a night shift at a restaurant because of the hash slinging slasher. :|

— Anonymous

If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harass you.

— Anonymous

OMG! I just discovered I have a super power! I can be invisible..... Oh no no wait, I'm just being ignored.

— Anonymous

I'm not shy, I'm a silent observer.

— Anonymous

Lesbian Gay Stright or, bi love is love so leave them the fuck alone!

— Anonymous

Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want.

— Anonymous

Let's protest Friendship Day by having hot, friendship-ending sex.

— Anonymous

Saying something funny and then someone says it louder and gets all the credit.

— Anonymous

HAHA I love this guy :D

— Anonymous

I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.

— Anonymous

Sorry you have such a weird name and no celebrity parents to blame it on

— Anonymous

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

— Anonymous

That was actually funny. But I don't like you. So I'm not going to laugh.

— Anonymous

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's some mouthwash, use it maybe?

— Anonymous

Dear radio, Why do you always play the best song right when I have to turn the car off and get out?!…

— Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading…

— Anonymous

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for…

— Anonymous

Ever wondered who takes those. pictures?

— Anonymous

The best thing about a heat wave is constantly having the illusion you're getting exercise.

— Anonymous