We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
(Terrorists) are planning to disrupt our democratic process. It's scary I know, but we're not going to let al Qaeda tell us… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If there was one lesson to be drawn from Bush's appearance (on 'Meet the Press') it's that he doesn't have to be… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If you don't get it right with your first family, you can always do it again with another. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
That whole thing has been overstated by environmentalists. First of all, what is it, rocks and snow? C'mon, what is that, you… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
New York became the first state to ban talking on hand-held cell phones while driving. First-time violators could receive a fine of… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Orthodox Jews, or, as they are known in the Talmud, the Really Chosen Ones, are committed to the idea that the entire… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
![“When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill was really upset, 'cause he thought Robert DeNiro would be really mad at him. And DeNiro comes up to him and he gives him a $100 and he goes, "You got pinched. We all get…” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/957/jon-stewart-455_arrested_when-henry-hill-in-goodfellas-got-arrest_2126323.jpg)
![“Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the delaration of independence and only realized on July 3rd the Articles were also due.” quote by Jon Stewart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/546/jon-stewart-455_articles_why-did-the-articles-of-confederation-fa_2356951.jpg)
