My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When the government runs out of lenders, it can do something that households are forbidden to do: print money. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A person has got to balance work and life and family in order to be a balanced person. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Cars let us out of the barn and, while they were at it, destroyed the American nuclear family. As anyone who has… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Rich parents are famous both for miserliness and astonishing longevity. And, when they finally do die, you'll find they've left their estate… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If we were to inspect ourselves or members of our family and our friends, we would see that we don't really have… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My wife and I both come from Irish families. There are two kinds of Irish families: the hitting kind and the kidding… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The killjoys initiated automobile crash standards so rigorous that we can't buy a car that hasn't been dropped from the top of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to describe but nonetheless is important to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is that kind of happiness. There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Lampoon was a very collegial operation, though "collegial" usually means "friendly" and it wasn't that friendly. But we were tight, like a… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Farm policy, although it's complex, can be explained. What it can't be is believed. No cheating spouse, no teen with a wrecked… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Children live in the only successful Marxist state ever created: the family. 'From each according to his ability, to each according to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, 'That's not fair.' When she says that, I say,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that when the official U.S. measure of poverty was developed in 1963, a poor American family had an income twenty-nine times greater than the average per capita income in the rest of the world. An individual American… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
We have no one to blame for the Kennedys but ourselves. We took the Kennedys to heart of our own accord. And it is my opinion that we did it not because we respected them or thought what they proposed was good, but because they were pretty. We, the electorate, were smitten by this handsome, vivacious family. . . .… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it's a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't mind America becoming a Third World country. The weather is better in the Third World than it is where I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that when the official U.S. measure of poverty was developed in 1963, a poor American family had an income twenty-nine times greater than the average per capita income in the rest of the world. An individual American… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else available. Western civilization not only provides a bit of life, a pinch of liberty and the occasional pursuance of happiness, it's also the only thing that's ever tried to. Our civilization is the first in history… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
