You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man ¦ Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm tired of hearing about innocent victims. It's fiction, If you live on this planet you're guilty, period, f*** you, next case,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Not so you'd really notice it of course; just… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long format, five, eight, 10-minute pieces… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
