Comedy Quotes by Billy Connolly

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

— Billy Connolly

I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

— Billy Connolly

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the…

— Billy Connolly

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God,…

— Billy Connolly

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

— Billy Connolly

People die all the time. It's just that you're not around.

— Billy Connolly

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it…

— Billy Connolly

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a…

— Billy Connolly

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if you raise a million pounds within an hour.

— Billy Connolly

Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.

— Billy Connolly

Politically correct is the language of cowardice.

— Billy Connolly

I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them.…

— Billy Connolly

And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said.…

— Billy Connolly

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

— Billy Connolly

Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin'…

— Billy Connolly