“I saw a mummy in a movie once, and I’ve got to say I love George Harrison’s style.” — Jarod Kintz Movie Copy Share Image
“I can kick the can down the road, and I can also kick other modal verbs.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is there a gun that shoots rain? Oh yeah, water guns. How technologically advanced we are!” — Jarod Kintz Guns Copy Share Image
“My trash can got stolen five times. Finally the owner just let me have it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm asexual, though occasionally I'm attracted to inanimate objects. Mainly tube-shaped objects.” — Jarod Kintz Asexual Copy Share Image
“I like sauce in my cereal. But not just any sauce, it has to be a cream sauce, almost milky in consistency.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“There are 365 days in a year, and 360 degrees in a circle. Coincidence? I think not. Really, I didn’t think, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brand is built action by action, just as houses are built brick by brick. Is the identity of your personal brand… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People who are wealthy and good looking don’t know the joy of working to conquer a woman. In the bedroom I can… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“I once saw a snake having sex with a vulture, and I thought, It’s just business as usual in Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“If you were to ask me if I have ever loved a woman, I'd probably reply, "Two gallons of milk and a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When the food runs out, the family reunion is over. It’s cool that out of all my relatives, I’m the only cannibal.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I was a little boy, say 17 months old, I lived in the forest. I was raised by bears. We had… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to make a coffee table that consists of a slab of wood supported by four crutches. That way, if a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The problem with Marxism is the proletariat isn’t going to rise up against capitalism and consumerism. The only time they’ll rise up… — Jarod Kintz Marxism Copy Share Image
“Nobody is either honest or dishonest. Life is a gradient, and a saint might be an 8.7, and a dirtbag politician might… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to separate the winners from the losers. With the exception of me, all men are losers, and… — Jarod Kintz Losers Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You’d never been in an elevator before, and I’d never been in love. I said I… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to help you remember. You’re probably tempted to ask, “Remember what?” And that’s precisely my point—you can’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The world classifies people into "Haves" and "Have Nots." But that's for people of normal stature. If you're a loser, and a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If the status quo came carbonated in a can, I’d shake things up.” — Jarod Kintz Status quo Copy Share Image
“A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You’re already older than the last time I saw you, and I just saw you right before I blinked.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I left Mermaid’s Bar and Grill about 2:00 am, and fishtailed out of the parking lot.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Boil your drinking water, and drink the water surrounding you in your bathtub.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have failed, and I should bury my failure. I need a trowel (it was a small failure).” — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“You don’t have the shadow volume to sit next to me in the sunshine of truth.” — Jarod Kintz Light Copy Share Image
“I try not to sell myself short, unless I’m giving myself a great price on the stuff.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I saw you see me like a seesaw, and I knew you were the one to be number two.” — Jarod Kintz Seesaw Copy Share Image
“I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears.” — Jarod Kintz Dad Copy Share Image
