“I would never date Austin. Not that it’s gay, but it’s simply too densely populated for a relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some events in your life leave a lasting impression. A thing that majorly impacted my life was the car that hit me… — Jarod Kintz Impacted Copy Share Image
“William Penn would be a great pen name. But for love letters to manicured lawns, trees, and benches, the best name would… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’m wise when it comes to your issues, and a fool when it comes to mine. Emotion is the blindfold we cannot… — Jarod Kintz Emotion Copy Share Image
“While all men want to be free, some want to be free to think what they want, and other men want to… — Jarod Kintz Free thought Copy Share Image
“If my name were Theodore Tiffany, my goal in life would be to meet and marry a woman named Tiffany Theodore. I… — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“My plan to live from 65 to forever is to simply keep showing up. I also don’t want to retire at the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What do I do for fun? Well, I’d love to get into the bank robbing business, but government work is not for… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I can take care of myself, but I can’t take care of myself and a child. I’ve decided to give myself up… — Jarod Kintz Adoption Copy Share Image
“If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If we were to kiss passionately for 30 minutes, would you refill my oxygen tank in the process?” — Jarod Kintz Kiss Copy Share Image
“If my skin wasn’t flesh, but was tinfoil, I’d probably not only be left-handed, but I’d be a leftover. I guess the… — Jarod Kintz Dinner Copy Share Image
“I like spending time with my family. And if you have the same last name as me, we might be family. I’m… — Jarod Kintz Family Copy Share Image
“An apple’s core principle it to not get eaten. And who wants to eat the core of an apple anyway?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to sign a treaty with a cripple that will be both valid and, like the owner of the other signature,… — Jarod Kintz Treaty Copy Share Image
“I don’t like the term “Average Joe.” I prefer “Dolly,” because not only is the Everyman a sheep, but he’s also a… — Jarod Kintz Average joe Copy Share Image
“I’m feeling a little under the weather. But once I open my umbrella, I’m sure I’ll begin to feel better.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket… — Jarod Kintz Secrecy Copy Share Image
“If love were a gesture, I don’t think it would be a gyrating pelvis. But then again, I could be wrong, as… — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. With you not being there I notice your unbeing, with you still being a being in time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Instead of a motorcycle gang, I’m thinking of starting up a unicycle gang. We’ll be hell on wheel. (My first recruit will… — Jarod Kintz Motorcycle Copy Share Image
“Love is like a corn-dog popsicle, and I’m on the Most Wanted list. Unfortunately it’s by the government, specifically the FDA, and… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Black clothing makes me look skinnier. If I wear all black at night, and turn out the lights, I look so skinny… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“His last name was Worthless. Or was that just the perfect word to describe him? Shouldn’t our names summarize who we are?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Give people a little, and they’ll want a lot. Give them a lot, and they’ll only want a little.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be folded up and kept in the trunk of my car, in much the same way that I do… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to see a group of people get killed. Particularly if those people are all my clones.” — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“If your nipples were on your eyelids, then and only then would I give you eye contact while you are talking to… — Jarod Kintz Eye contact Copy Share Image
“And then she walked out of my life forever. Too bad she was hitchhiking. I should have picked her up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“His last name was Chew, and I didn’t care if he was Asian, I still screamed, “Not with your mouth open!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a chicken story, starting from scratch, and my handwriting is chicken scratch so it’s perfect.” — Jarod Kintz Writer Copy Share Image
“I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Friendship Copy Share Image
“It’s not that the risk isn’t worth the reward, it’s that the reward isn’t worth as much as another reward, which also… — Jarod Kintz Risk Copy Share Image
“When I see a cop’s lights behind me at two in the morning, and I have my disco ball dangling from my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people talk nonstop and manage to say nothing at all. Other people are more efficient and manage to say nothing at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d like to change my name, as my father isn’t worthy of having the same last name as me. I’m a rebel… — Jarod Kintz Father Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunce to go stand in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I cleaned out my belly button last night, and I found the meaning of life. Gosh, I wonder how long it’s been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
