“A blanket could be used to understand Understanding. At least I think so. The process is complicated, and really hard to understand. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to lose me money as a financial advisor.” — Jarod Kintz Customer Copy Share Image
“I cling to our love like saran wrap on leftovers. If you want to know when dinner will be ready, the answer… — Jarod Kintz Dinner Copy Share Image
“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed potatoes warm and tasty in my armpits all day… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There should be a language called Nail, so I could more naturally say, “My nail is a bit rusty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The Road To Serfdom is about capitalism. That’s why on the side of that road you’ll find me, in a kiosk, selling… — Jarod Kintz Capitalism Copy Share Image
“It’s a new subject to me, and I’m just starting to get confused. The middle is the muddle, and the end is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A unicorn breathes rainbows like a dragon breathes fire. My coffee breathes Jarod Kintz quotes.” — Jarod Kintz Rainbows Copy Share Image
“On average, women are better liars than men. But the best liars are men, because politicians are still predominantly men. ” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used instead of a blindfold when kidnapping someone. And the trunk of your car could be rented out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The lawyer said he couldn’t take my case, even though I assured him it was stuffed with money.” — Jarod Kintz Lawyer Copy Share Image
“Yesterday was my last day at work. My coworkers were so sad they all pitched in and bought me a one-way ticket… — Jarod Kintz Last day Copy Share Image
“If a woman named Ms. Silver won a gold medal, she’d probably be a little disappointed she didn’t place second. My love… — Jarod Kintz Gold medal Copy Share Image
“I’ll bet if I write a sentence and mention the word “edit,” people will slow down and scour my words for errors.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people wish they could have invented the wheel. But I’m trying to reinvent the wheelbarrow, to more efficiently haul around my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like undressing women with my eyes, but I just can’t quite figure out how to unstrap their bras with my eyelids.” — Jarod Kintz Undressing Copy Share Image
“The radio signal was scrambled, and so were my eggs. I got tired of eating commercial breaks for breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Scars exist to show that I existed. I myself don’t have any scars, but every single one of my friends has a… — Jarod Kintz Scar Copy Share Image
“If you asked me to mow your lawn, I’d say sure—just as soon as you move your lawn directly above mine.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“To say that I grew up without parents is a lie, because I haven’t grown up yet. Also, all six of my… — Jarod Kintz Parenting Copy Share Image
“I want to start a company called “We Do.” My tagline will be: We at We Do do what we do so… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I did what I did for my clone, not for my own personal gain. It wasn’t right that he asked it of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Of all the pessimistic people, I am the most optimistic. I look forward to looking down on all the people looking up… — Jarod Kintz Hope Copy Share Image
“I’d rate myself five stars, and those stars would all be fish. My review was of how well I walked on the… — Jarod Kintz Astronomy Copy Share Image
“In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.” — Jarod Kintz Good enough Copy Share Image
“I can read people like an open book, especially if their named Braille, and I’m in a touchy-feely mood.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My shirt and pants should match my in-laws’ wallpaper, so like a chameleon I can be both there and not there at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Things to do in an elevator: Install a glass display, like in a museum, over the floor buttons and have a sign… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you’re tired of taking one step forward and two steps back, just turn around. That way you’ll be going forward in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I plan on leaving my mark on this world, in ink, with a pen spill that’ll make all the oil spills combined… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would hate to see seventeen people with monosyllabic names like Mike or Ann die, but if they did, and you wrote… — Jarod Kintz Haiku Copy Share Image
“This morning I ate a hamburger for breakfast, and then wept like a baby into an open jar of mayonnaise. I guess… — Jarod Kintz Morning Copy Share Image
“I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An invisible wall of super condensed jelly would make a great shield to stop bullets and sarcasm.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t collect awards, I collect empty trophy cases. Once my collection is large enough, I’m going to start collecting broken dreams.” — Jarod Kintz Broken dreams Copy Share Image
“Dark Jar Tin Zoo’s face is sallow, his cheeks sunk in, and he looks like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream,” only less colorful.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I go to networking events because what else am I going to do? I’ve already finished my daily planning for how to… — Jarod Kintz Networking Copy Share Image
