“A brick could be used as food for thought. Every politician should chew on that. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Politicians give criminals a bad name. A bad name like a bad word like shit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I say we cut our government in half, with a chainsaw along their waists.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Birthdays are like politicians. I don’t like any of them, but they still keep coming around.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What do you call 1,000 government employees with no mouths or legs? More efficient.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Before you enter politics, I pray you lose your anal virginity to a unicorn.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Be true to who you are as a person. Or, if you’re a politician, be true to who you are as an… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For me, a website would be user friendly if it gave me a handjob. It’d be doubly impressive if it were also… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I ran over some dog poop on my drive home last night. But I didn’t feel bad, because I didn’t vote for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick has eight edges and six sides. That’s nearly as many sides as a politician takes when discussing a binary issue. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I run for office, my political platform will be made of wood, and it’ll be made by the people.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be divided into four even parts and given to three equal people. I’d be an ideal politician, because I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used for political transparency. After all, what’s more see-through than a brick wall? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as brain filler for the political mind, just in case one of our elected officials needs a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A boring machine, would it drill holes—or put you to sleep? The two-party political system, that’s a boring machine, though voters are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used to keep politicians warm, when we kick them all to the street. They’ll be warm, but they’ll be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nobody is either honest or dishonest. Life is a gradient, and a saint might be an 8.7, and a dirtbag politician might… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A sand trap is like a politician in its duality. It represents two opposing viewpoints. You see, it was designed to trap… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican, I think everybody can agree that politicians are crooks. But I don’t think politicians are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be a politician, if you attached strings, taught it to dance, and allowed it to read a teleprompter. Remember:… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I first heard Twilight was a book about vampires that sparkled in the light and shape shifters/wolves eager to assist the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What is your SPM (sperm per meal) content? A politician’s is very high.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Though my stomach is only the size of a pea, I could eat two politicians’ brains.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Abstain from reading comedy or other government economic statistics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put all my eggs in one basket, and then I jizzed all over them. I'm a natural politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I once watched several criminals engage in an organized argument, while an audience of supporters cheered them on, but I was so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Business idea: Merge a billiard table with a golf course, and make the pockets as deep as a typical politician's pants.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Like a spy, I planted a bug. Like a farmer, I watched it grow into a politician that more than half the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I’m asleep I’m a politician, and when I’m awake I’m a criminal. Throughout the day and night, my mentality never changes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, thats just what Ill do. Its this kind of regard for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a handyman. I work with my hand. I masturbate for a living. That’s right, I’m in politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s a faint whiff of feces wafting up my nostrils. But that’s natural, because I just walked past a politician.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s a fact I want to own a factory that makes up facts and figures, and I figure to make a fortune… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have an ill-fitting jacket. It looks sick. It has an “I Voted” sticker on it, so perhaps it’s as disgusted with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
