You can change your wife, your politics, your religion, but never, never can you change your favourite football team. — Eric Cantona Copy Share Image
“A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I've got a nickle in my pocket.” — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. — George Burns Copy Share Image
That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
“Yes, magnifliant. Magnificent, brilliant, splendid, superb. I could go on.” — Ally Broadfield Copy Share Image
“Doubt is a lot like faith; A mustard's seed worth changes everything.” — Donna Johnson Copy Share Image
Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Diesel sucked air. "You keep fondling me like that, and I might have to marry you." "I'm not fondling you. I'm looking… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Germans at the time believed, a little oddly, that dyes killed germs by turning the germs’ vital organs the wrong color.” — Sam Kean Copy Share Image
Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain. — Pierre Trudeau Copy Share Image
We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made… — Winston Churchill Copy Share Image
I was in a department store and the clerk came up to me and said do you want to lay on the… — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians… — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“As the boat filled and capsized, the aluminum boom flew across the cockpit and hit the side of Tiger’s head. The world… — Grahame Shannon Copy Share Image
“Are you certain they never cut your member off?" Tormund gave a shrug, as if to say he would never understand such… — George R.R. Martin Copy Share Image
My character Milly in 'The Boy Who Could Fly' was a very strong part. There were dramatic moments, and there were humorous… — Lucy Deakins Copy Share Image
“I really am a little afraid, my dear,” hinted the cherub meekly, “that you are not enjoying yourself?” “On the contrary,” returned… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I once met an RAF pilot who told me of what he called a "bird strike". This, rather unfairly in my view,… — Hugh Laurie Copy Share Image
“The one that sang, old Janine, was always whispering into the g***** microphone before she sang. She'd say, 'And now we like… — J.D. Salinger Copy Share Image
