“Although life and I are not always in love with each other, we do remain on close speaking terms.” — Brian Randleas Harmony Copy Share Image
As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny. — Guy Davenport Copy Share Image
“For God's sake put on your glasses, Sam. You're staring right at my boobs.” — Jillian Eaton Copy Share Image
“You! You foul, loathsome, evil little cocroach! Hermione, no! He's no worth it.” — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich. — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You know why we're good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country is only 200 years old, and… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I'm going to go throw up now, because ive turned into my dad. If vomiting doesn't work, I'll see if I can… — Veronica Blade Copy Share Image
The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance,… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“The door opened, held by the butler, and Lord Montagu swept into the room, his presence overwhelming the space. She could swear… — Angela Quarles Copy Share Image
Comedy is to force us to observe ourselves in ways that are humorous and yet, at the end of the day, that… — Michael Eric Dyson Copy Share Image
“Anything else, Your Majesty?" "I didn't say my prayers." "I'll say them for you. Our father who art in et cetera, bless… — Maggie Osborne Copy Share Image
When I started writing this, I found that I simply couldn't take fantasy seriously, so it became humorous, and continued from there. — Piers Anthony Copy Share Image
The only thing that matters to me about my stories is that they're entertaining and they're funny. And I tend to get… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“It’s alright, Kitten,” Bones said. “He won’t shoot.” Tate lowered his gun, even as the sudden dizziness from blood-loss made me sway.… — Jeaniene Frost Copy Share Image
The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“There were, however, a few exceptions. One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough… — Arthur C. Clarke Copy Share Image
Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“He would not object, he said, to accepting a post as a librarian. But as Cecilia was unable to imagine that her… — Georgette Heyer Copy Share Image
