Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Can you imagine life without the horror genre? There would be no monsters. Only a**holes.” — Michael A. Arnzen Copy Share Image
When you are dealing with a child, keep all your wits about you, and sit on the floor. — Austin O'Malley Copy Share Image
And I have a plan to do even better, to end welfare as we know it — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
Tel-Aviv airport is still the only airport in the world where each passenger is met by ten relatives. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
If it is gay, ribald and lascivious night-life you are after, Israel is not the place for you. The night clubs you… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“You look good as a Pirate." Erin "Ahoy, matey," he said, laying her back against the grass. "Me cap'n's ship needs a… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
“Don't be so damned patronizing. Your performance so far has been a little less than dazzling." "I didn't mean no harm," I… — Dashiell Hammett Copy Share Image
It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
One of the glories of doing the book So You Want to Be President? was the shifts in tone, where I was… — David Small Copy Share Image
You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that, contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from houses. Really,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“To exemplify, -a beautiful glossy nut, which, blessed with original strength, has outlived all the storms of autumn. Not a puncture, not… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Where did you get that assault weapon?" "Assault weapon?" Zach turned his head to look at her. "Well, lookey there. You're cute… — Suzie Quint Copy Share Image
“It seems - and who so astonished as they? - that they had held back material facts; that they were guilty of… — Rudyard Kipling Copy Share Image
Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“May my hands fall from my wrists before I kill an artist like yourself," said the man in black. "I would as… — William Goldman Copy Share Image
