The most colossal display of wise, inspiring, and humorous metaphors ever exhibited in one place. — Richard Lederer Copy Share Image
“You know we've got it bad when a naked and gyrating Channing Tatum can't solve our problems.” — Jen Frederick Copy Share Image
Okay everybody, line up in alphabetical order according to your height. — Casey Stengel Copy Share Image
Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting. — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“What I know now is that gallant young men rarely get pussy. Put it on a sampler and hang it in your… — Stephen King Copy Share Image
I would like to be able to admire a man's opinions as I would his dog - without being expected to take… — Frank A. Clark Copy Share Image
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. — Les Aspin Copy Share Image
You only have to solve two problems when going to the moon: first, how to get there; and second, how to get… — Jim Rohn Copy Share Image
“Any idea why there is a giant penis made out of snow in our front yard?" Instead of an answer, I was… — K.C. Beaumont Copy Share Image
Sometimes, I think the best kind of poem is one in which there is an acute balance between what is humorous and… — N. Scott Momaday Copy Share Image
In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece… — Axl Rose Copy Share Image
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You know I hate to chase. I'm only here to talk, but if you run, I'll have to chase and we both… — Kaye Chambers Copy Share Image
It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day. Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if… — Thomas Bailey Aldrich Copy Share Image
“Despite the fact that he loves books and owns a bookstore, A.J. does not particularly care for writers. He finds them to… — Gabrielle Zevin Copy Share Image
“John and I have made this stuff our hobby, in the way that an especially attractive prisoner makes a hobby out of… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely.… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
“Once she even successfully argued on behalf of my older brother, Dan, getting a BBGun, a weapon which he promptly turned against… — Thomas Lynch Copy Share Image
“Before we got married we asked our grandfathers, whose own marriages had lasted forty years or more, "What is the secret to… — TaraShea Nesbit Copy Share Image
West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since… — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
