Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
“If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary, somewhere between 'shit' and 'syphilis'.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie. — Neil Simon Copy Share Image
I worried about playing God (in the movie Oh God). We're about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods. — George Burns Copy Share Image
There is almost no topic that can't benefit from being talked about in a humorous way. — Rachel Parris Copy Share Image
The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. — Steven Rubenstein Copy Share Image
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“I had an aunt named 'abnormal Shauna' once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.” — Joshua Donellan Copy Share Image
I'm really interested in the link between creativity and humor because humor is a type of creativity, and I do think that… — Robert Mankoff Copy Share Image
It is commonly believed that anyone who tabulates numbers is a statistician. This is like believing that anyone who owns a scalpel… — Robert Hooke Copy Share Image
If we have to have a choice between being dead and pitied, and being alive with a bad image, we'd rather be… — Golda Meir Copy Share Image
If a man….who’s playing in front of the public, is being well paid, and he doesn’t dedicate himself to the job, I’d… — Bill Shankly Copy Share Image
“...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.” — Joshua Donellan Copy Share Image
In the world of human thought generally, and in physical science particularly, the most important and fruitful concepts are those to which… — Hans Kramers Copy Share Image
“That’s crazy,” Gabriel said. “We must be seventy million years in the past.” “Nearly a hundred and twenty-five million,” Ohin said. “It… — G.L. Breedon Copy Share Image
“I would never have broken up with you," I said earnestly. "I'm more miserable without you than I am with you." As… — Sean Kennedy Copy Share Image
“...the concept of marketing is almost as old as humanity itself...suffice it to say here that it took almost no time for… — BikeSnobNYC Copy Share Image
I think there are a lot of things out there that are humorous that people don't realize until you actually show them… — Tim Conway Copy Share Image
Every single bit of entertainment is escapism. It's because you are saying, "Let's see what this other person's life is like." And… — Bruce Campbell Copy Share Image
We all operate in two contrasting modes, which might be called open and closed. The open mode is more relaxed, more receptive,… — John Cleese Copy Share Image
“She shrugged and flipped her glossy hair behind her shoulders. "What else do you have to do with your time besides think… — Stacey Kade Copy Share Image
“I can’t help but smile when I read that someone was inspired by the voices in their head and how they just… — Angelique Jones Copy Share Image
