Humorous Quotes by Charles Dickens

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

— Charles Dickens

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.

— Charles Dickens

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders,…

— Charles Dickens

For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings…

— Charles Dickens

“I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or…

— Charles Dickens

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay,…

— Charles Dickens

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

— Charles Dickens

“I'm a devil at a quick mistake, and when I make one it takes the form of Lead.”

— Charles Dickens

Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to…

— Charles Dickens

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

— Charles Dickens

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young…

— Charles Dickens

Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement…

— Charles Dickens

“After that, he drank all the rest of the sherry, and Mr. Hubble drank the port, and the two talked (which I…

— Charles Dickens

Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew…

— Charles Dickens

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned…

— Charles Dickens

“[...] dropped his master's head upon the floor with a pretty loud crash, and then, without an effort to lift it up,…

— Charles Dickens

The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance,…

— Charles Dickens

“His shoes looked too large; his sleeve looked too long; his hair looked too limp; his features looked too mean; his exposed…

— Charles Dickens

The nephew revenges himself for this, by holding his breath and terrifying his kinswoman with the dread belief that he has made…

— Charles Dickens

Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove…

— Charles Dickens

Then, at the end of every hand, Miss Bolo would inquire with a dismal countenance and reproachful sigh, why Mr. Pickwick had…

— Charles Dickens

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for…

— Charles Dickens

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm…

— Charles Dickens

I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from…

— Charles Dickens

... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake,…

— Charles Dickens

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as…

— Charles Dickens

“She was a most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from story to story was a mystery beyond…

— Charles Dickens

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

— Charles Dickens

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

— Charles Dickens

There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.

— Charles Dickens

Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting.

— Charles Dickens

In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table…

— Charles Dickens

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

— Charles Dickens

She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of,…

— Charles Dickens

Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word…

— Charles Dickens

It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his…

— Charles Dickens

His wardrobe was extensive--very extensive--not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the…

— Charles Dickens

“He executed his commission with great promptitude and dispatch, only calling at one public-house for half a minute, and even that might…

— Charles Dickens

Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head.…

— Charles Dickens

The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of…

— Charles Dickens