“Seeing how I've held your penis in my hand, I think that puts you firmly in the not a stranger category.” — Jessica Scott Copy Share Image
“No magnetic wombats, no flying hyenas, no catfish masquerading as samurai, and, MOST CERTAINLY, no Duku jam!” — Gina Marinello-Sweeney Copy Share Image
The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor. — Samuel Taylor Coleridge Copy Share Image
“When dreaming is better than reality we're living What's the sense of waking up in a nightmare?” — Joshua Natad Copy Share Image
For enduring the bloodcurdling torture of my adolescent years I promise to always keep your electronics functional. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful… — Karl Marx Copy Share Image
“Sorry, I didn't see the big X with the words Top Secret Government Laboratory on the map, did you?” — Julie Kagawa Copy Share Image
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. — Richard Lewis Copy Share Image
Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
We need time to relax and enjoy ourselves too, no matter how dark the story. The occasional humorous moment helps with that.… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
“Holy hell," Shawn whispered, his eyes glued to Ziang's front. Particularly to what Ziang didn't have between his legs. "Dude, where's your… — M.A. Church Copy Share Image
Long before the word Zionism was uttered for the first time, old religious Jews came from all over the world to die… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“This isn't sex." I blinked. "Oh. Then what is it?" "An emergency!" I started to argue and then thought twice about it.… — Karen Chance Copy Share Image
Poetry, I think, intensifies the reader's experience. If it's a humorous facet of the story, poetry makes it more exuberant. If it's… — Vikram Seth Copy Share Image
“A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my… — Quentin R. Bufogle Copy Share Image
“Oh, that's just Thud! That's easy!" yapped a voice. Both men turned to look at Horsefry, who had been made perky by… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
Here was my first lesson on the resolutely maintained untidiness and ill-health of the English upper orders. In baggy evening dress and… — Clive James Copy Share Image
“Jane: "Look, Dave Chandler left me on the ninth floor of our university research library without my panties after we lost our… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“When I left high school with my diploma, it felt like I was holding a key that would unlock the door to… — Brian Celio Copy Share Image
While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things, The fate of empires and the fall of kings; While quacks of State must… — Robert Burns Copy Share Image
“I poke at my skull with a finger. It didn't feel soft or anything. I didn't feel insane. But if you'd really… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
“It's all your fault, Mother,' said Larry austerely; 'you shouldn't have brought us up to be so selfish.' 'I like that!' exclaimed… — Gerald Durrell Copy Share Image
“Apollo wanted out. Out of Aphrodite, out of this bathroom, out of this house, and out of this life.” — Marie Phillips Copy Share Image
The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service. — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
I don't mind flying. I always pass out before the plane leaves the ground. — Naomi Campbell Copy Share Image
Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The persons hardest to convince that they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime. — Shannon Fife Copy Share Image
“It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
A clever, imaginative, humorous request can open closed doors and closed minds. — Percy Ross Copy Share Image
A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk. — Orlando Aloysius Battista Copy Share Image
A German singer! I should as soon expect to get pleasure from the neighing of my horse. — Frederick The Great Copy Share Image
“You held me down and rammed me so hard I deep-throated you from the other end.” — Marita A. Hansen Copy Share Image
“The jukebox played some hillbilly tune; steel guitar and emotion-choked moaning...” — Philip K. Dick Copy Share Image
