One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“We’re automatons in a symphony conducted by a lunatic and performed by blind idealists.” Damon” — Eleni Papanou Copy Share Image
The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
“What was to fear from a foe that could be defeated by a few potholes and the heat of the sun?” — Esther Spurrill Jones Copy Share Image
I don't think women's prisons are environments for dance routines, and I don't think mass murder is humorous. — Natalie Merchant Copy Share Image
“Everything is uncomfortable for the first time: School, Smoking or Sex.” — Aakash Deep Copy Share Image
“You were listening at the door, Gigi!" "No, Grandmamma." "Yes, you had your ear to the keyhole. You must never listen at… — Collette Copy Share Image
Humorous writing is often thought of as substandard in comparison to work with a more dramatic or tragic intent. I don't know… — Patrick deWitt Copy Share Image
I suspect the soviets never did want to use those bombs. The most Stalinist of Soviet hard-liners - Stalin, for example -… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Perhaps he was merely being friendly. Perhaps he saw the look on my face and mistook it for something else. Really what… — Margaret Atwood Copy Share Image
“The hamster-powered hat is the same as any other hat. It keeps your head warm and looks smart,” the inventor said. “The… — Mark Jackman Copy Share Image
“Is that how you get propositioned at the court? 'Mylady, would you be so kind as to allow me to put my… — Erica Dakin Copy Share Image
'Everwood' I think provides a unique feeling, an emotional experience. And other shows on TV don't have the acting talent to do… — Greg Berlanti Copy Share Image
“Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate,… — Quinn Loftis Copy Share Image
I'm halfway through a novel set in two time frames - Austin in the 1960's and Alpine (Texas) in present day. It… — Elizabeth Crook Copy Share Image
It seems that Canada's historic mission is to come to the selfless aid both of its friends and of complete strangers, and… — Kevin Myers Copy Share Image
“Oh golly, Brer Fox, your forthright assertion—that evolutionary biology disproves the idea of a creator God—jeopardises the teaching of biology in science… — Richard Dawkins Copy Share Image
I remember the day we were hanging around the band's commune and Roger came in with the press kit for a rock… — Cynthia Heimel Copy Share Image
British Israelites: The British Israelites believe the white Anglo-Saxons of Britain to be descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel deported… — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my… — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
$100,000 donors buy access to Congress and the White House. We believe it's long past time to clean up Washington. — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
Mom, thanks for bringing me into a world where love can be expressed electronically. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It is time to stop personal destruction and prying into private lives — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“Put it on your forehead and you'll feel better in no time!” — Alfred F. Jones Hetalia Copy Share Image
I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I believe he [Saddam Hussein] wants a better relationship with America. — Louis Farrakhan Copy Share Image
I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than… — Dick Brandon Copy Share Image
Congratulations on still somehow not being a mother despite your astonishing sexual promiscuity. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You learn to smile even in you liver?' 'Even in my lire, Ketut. Big smile in my liver.” — Elizabeth Gilbert Copy Share Image
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