Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament! — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
He's given me enough homework to last ten years. I'm gonna die of nerdism. — Mark A Cooper Copy Share Image
There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
“phase two of Operation Fish and CHIPs (Clean House of the Idiot Piranhas)” — Brenda Pandos Copy Share Image
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
“It says adult prison on the gates, not Hogwarts. Now, get in and say hi to your new housmate.” — Dean Cole Copy Share Image
This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Cayl replies...I understand the human reproductive system, Agent Denning; I’m here to capture a killer, not indulge in these intrusive human senses.” — Tielle St. Clare Copy Share Image
“Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway. 'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a… — Phyllis Reynolds Naylor Copy Share Image
“I am in the prime of my womanhood, nunga-nungas poised and trembling (attractively). Lips puckered up and in peak condition for a… — Louise Rennison Copy Share Image
“We are a bed business, and a coffee-room business. We are not a general dining business, nor do we wish it. In… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child… — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine. — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
They mention that it's a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don't care for that sort of thing. Call me old… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old-time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My own dear love, he is strong and bold And he cares not what comes after. His words ring sweet as a… — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
“I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something quite different about you, from the last time we were together,… — Paul Rudnick Copy Share Image
“Where did you see him?” Heidi asked. “At the grocery store,” Mildred replied. “He was picking out a cantaloupe. Of course, I… — Kirsten Fullmer Copy Share Image
Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the Steelypips, illustrious, industrious, and they hadn't a care:… — Stanislaw Lem Copy Share Image
“...Anand, look at the back of my hands. No hair. The sign of an advanced race, boy. And look at yours. No… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Does the work get easier once you know what you are doing?" "Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“It wasn’t until someone kicked his legs that Nik woke up. Alek, snoring beside him, his head resting on his shoulder. Ban… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds. — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large. — Alyce Cornyn-Selby Copy Share Image
“Well, it all started when I figured out that the janitor at my high school was the Angel of Death…” — Matt Ruff Copy Share Image
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. — Mario Puzo Copy Share Image
I tend to do stuff that is in some way tongue in cheek or humorous or has a kind of wry side… — Alice Levine Copy Share Image
I don't laugh that much, but I do like humorous books, and I like to entertain readers that way. — Jonathan Ames Copy Share Image
“Greed is a contagious mental illness without which civilization as we know it would not have been possible.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“I wouldn't miss this fake-homo show for all the Gucci Shoes on Rodeo Drive.” — River Jaymes Copy Share Image
It was the experience of mystery - even if mixed with fear - that engendered religion. — Albert Einstein Copy Share Image
If the Wright brother were alive today Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs. — Herb Kelleher Copy Share Image
“If a wizard should take up residence in your garden, and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.” — Mark Jackman Copy Share Image
“[To my enemy:] Some are great, some are born great, some have greatness thrust upon them! And then there's you.” — Reginald Dipwipple Copy Share Image
A house becomes a home when you can write, 'I love you' on the furniture. — Rick Sutter Copy Share Image
“Keep rechewing. Like a cow. Use all your creative stomachs.” — Elizabeth M. Lawrence Copy Share Image
![“[To my enemy:] Some are great, some are born great, some have greatness thrust upon them! And then there's you.” quote by Reginald Dipwipple](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/063/reginald-dipwipple-78181_humorous_to-my-enemy-some-are-great-some-are-born_2096914.jpg)
